Cursed or Not
by Lif61
Summary: Benny has gone on ahead to scout the path, leaving Dean and Castiel alone. Being newly reunited isn't settling anything for them, and facing danger together isn't bringing them any closer. Dean and Cas try to find a way to settle things.


**A/N: This is basically an angsty Destiel smut one-shot that takes place during season 8. Have fun!**

* * *

Purgatory was what it had been for the past three-hundred-and-sixty-five fucking days: drenched in blood, bare to the bone, and wild as all hell. Benny had broken off from Castiel and Dean, was scouting ahead. A group of vamps had been tailing them for three days, and Dean was certain that something had changed now, that they'd split up, and some had gotten ahead of them, and they were set to be ambushed, slammed between a hammer and an anvil. Dean had wanted to go with Benny, to make sure it was safe, but Benny had insisted he do the job. They were his people after all, his kind. His mess.

Castiel was shining like a damn beacon. Or at least, Dean was sure he was.

Benny had been gone half a day, and Dean was following a stream, Cas trailing behind him, not talking.

Funny, Dean had spoken to the guy every day for a year, praying to him, hell, even shedding tears, and now that he was back with him he was lonelier than ever.

"You wanna say something?" Dean asked.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, how about all those prayers I know you heard? Kinda messes with a guy's feelings when he pours his heart out to you and he gets nothing back."

"I was keeping you safe," Cas reasoned.

"Uh huh."

Dean pulled himself over a steep incline littered with boulders, and he reached back to offer Castiel his hand. His friend took it, though Dean was sure he probably didn't need help getting up. Cas gave a small smile despite their conversation, seeming to appreciate the gesture.

"Well, I like you here," he told him.

Dean made sure to give him a warm smile and pat him on the shoulder once Castiel was standing firmly in front of him, driving home what he'd said.

He wasn't given a similar response. Instead Cas widened his eyes, eyebrows raising.

"Dean, look out!"

Dean ducked, there was a powerful _whoosh_ of air over his head, and a body tumbled into Cas, throwing him down the four feet they'd just made it up. He landed on his back, hard, the monster on top of him. It bared its fangs, one of the vampires. The thing bit into Cas' throat, and Dean jumped down, rolling with his momentum, but he landed badly and twisted his ankle. And just his luck, his face happened to slam into a sharp rock, the bit of basalt slicing into his forehead. For a couple seconds he stared at the churning water a few feet away, thoughts scattered, foggy. Cas grabbed the vamp's neck, was twisting it, twisting it, and it snapped, the thing falling off of him, twitching on the ground and crying out. Foam bubbled up in its mouth.

Dean got to his feet, blood dripping down to his brow, and he finished the job, severing its head from its body with the blade he'd made a couple months back.

The blood spattered on both of them, and Castiel gave Dean a sharp look.

"I could've taken care of that," Castiel argued.

"Yeah? Looked like you had a real handle on it. Just like you did with the Leviathans."

Cas frowned, furrowing his brows, and he rose.

"I'm sorry, Dean, do we have a problem?"

"Yeah, Cas, I think we do. But, oh, you _don't_ _like conflict_, so I'll just keep walking. Who knows, maybe I'll end up leaving you behind. That's what you want, right? Big ol' hero complex." He laughed. Yeah, that was one thing he could call it. "Or, you're just a dick."

Dean turned from him, intent on following the path Benny had set, not wanting another vamp to catch up to them, when suddenly a great weight slammed into him and he was pressed against a tree, bark digging into the back of his neck and moss catching in his hair. His weapon had fallen from his hand a few feet back. Cas glowered at him, eyes blazing. With him this close, he could see individual flecks of dirt on his face.

"What do you want from me? Do you want me to bleed for you?!" He tilted his neck towards him, blood oozing from the wound. "Well here, I'm bleeding. Would you like more?" He wiped his hand across it, and smeared it on Dean's cheek, some of it catching on his lips. It was hot, sticky, and the bit of unfamiliar substance at his lips had him instinctively licking them. "Do you want me to die for you too? I heard your prayers, and I had left to keep you safe. And I will stay with you now because _you_ asked me to, you-you… you _idiot_. But I can't erase my sins. I can't _fix_ what I've broken. So take me for me, _broken_, or walk away now. 'I'd rather have you, cursed or not.' You said that. You said that!"

"Cas, you ain't cursed!" Dean yelled, trying to calm him down, trying to get him to stop pressing him into the tree so hard, trying to stop the tears that were building up in both their eyes, trying to… just trying to make all the hurt wash away.

"I! Am!"

Dean grabbed him by the shoulders, and tried leaning forward so he could turn and slam him back against the tree. Cas wasn't budging, and it brought his face closer.

Spit flew as he yelled, "Then so am I!"

"Dean!"

"_So am I!_"

Both of them were baring their teeth at each other, breathing heavy, holding on so tightly the other would bruise.

Something pulled strongly at his gut, and Dean ran his fingers across the wound at his forehead, and he slapped his hand to Cas' cheek, bloodying him further.

They were even now.

They were together.

And with it, he hoped they understood each other.

"Look, I bled for you, you bled for me, and we're as cursed as they come. So what do we do, huh? We keep on going? 'Cause that's what I plan on doing," Dean said. "I plan on gettin' outta here."

Cas pressed his body against his, putting his leg in between his own, knee bent, spreading his legs apart. Dean wasn't even sure if he knew he was doing it, but oh, he'd been in very different situations when in a position like this before.

He inhaled deeply, nearly losing focus for a bit, and he growled, and Cas grit his teeth.

"I can't go," Castiel said.

"I'm not dragging your ass through the mud for nothing. We're gettin' topside whether you like it or not. And when we do you're gonna fucking give us a god damn chance. No running away."

"You don't give me orders, Dean."

"You're scared," Dean taunted, mouth tilted upwards, hips pressing forwards.

"I am not."

"Yeah? Then prove it. You want to show you care? Fucking do something about it. I only got one life, buddy, and I ain't livin' long, so make your damn move, or I'm makin' it for you."

All was silent, and they shared their breaths, staring into each other's eyes.

Nothing happened, and Dean was realizing he wasn't brave enough to make it happen.

"Get off me," Dean said, shoving himself against him. "There are vamps out there, get off me."

Cas put his forearm against his collarbone, holding him steady.

"The vampires can wait."

And then their lips were together. Dean retaliated with the only thing he understood these days: violence. He opened his mouth, inhaling what he could of Cas, and then he grabbed his bottom lip with his teeth and bit down hard. Cas grunted and one of his hands began to roam. Dean tried to do likewise, but that ended up with his wrist pinned above his head.

Dean growled when their lips broke apart, and he stared at the angel, at the sheer depth of affection in his eyes. If he looked at him like that why had he betrayed him? Why had he left him? Why had he left his prayers unanswered? Why did he insist he wouldn't go through the portal with him?

Dean _knew_ why, but _why?_

"Cas, you gotta make me understand," he panted. "I gotta see what you see. Why? Why all this?"

"For you."

"Give me more than that, you son of a bitch!"

Cas kissed him to shut him up, forcing his tongue into his mouth, both of them groaning into it, and Dean's jeans were feeling much too tight, pleasure flooding his body. God, was it always this hot in Purgatory? He was sweaty, bloody, covered in dirt, but he'd be damned if he didn't want to show more of his skin to Cas.

Dean bit his tongue, surprising him, and he managed to shove him away from him. He let out a cry and lunged at him. They both tumbled to the ground, and Cas got a hand to his throat. Dean grabbed onto his wrist, but stayed on top, grinding himself down against him. Fuck, the angel was hard too, and _mm_ the kind of weapon he was packing, well, it was more than just the right size.

"I pulled you out of Hell!" Cas screeched. "I cast myself from Heaven! I became _more than myself_ for you, so you wouldn't die! Is that not enough? Is that not enough for you, Dean?"

Dean scratched his nails over his hand, down his wrist, and got his arm under the sleeve of his shirt. Cas ran his hand down to his collarbone, his heaving chest, and ripped through his clothing, finding his nipple and tugging at it. Dean's mouth dropped open in a moan.

"You hurt my brother, and you left me! You left me, Cas! You _left!_"

"Then punish me," Cas growled at him. "Or is being without you not punishment enough?"

Dean reached down in between their legs, finding Cas' groin and he squeezed hard, much too hard. Cas arched back and away from him, crying out loudly.

When Dean released, Castiel was rearing up with his right leg, hips pressing up into him, body so hard against his, and he rolled, getting on top. He pressed down forcefully into Dean's hips, too forcefully, but he grit his teeth, getting pleasure in it, and Dean did too, fiery gushes of ecstasy traveling up from in between his legs. His hands were on his torso now, holding him down, but leaving Dean's hands free, and he held Cas, fingers gripping tightly.

"You say we're cursed, Dean," he breathed, breath ragged, voice heavy and gravelly. He leaned in, nuzzling his throat, beard scratching at his skin. "Then let's share it."

Castiel kept grinding himself against him, groaning, voice turning into a high-pitched whimper at the end of each breath, and he didn't seem to know what to do from there. Dean was moaning, breathing heavy. He was pushing up at Cas, trying to get him off of him so he could show him some better way to do this.

"Cas. Cas, stop it. Cas, for god's sake get off of me and take your fucking pants off!

Cas bit at Dean's throat, but then did as he said, hurriedly taking off what other clothes he could as well. Dean couldn't handle himself and ended up tearing off Cas' t-shirt from the mental health facility, leaving him naked.

"This hardly seems fair."

And then Castiel started in on Dean's belt, his jeans, and he closed his eyes, biting down on his bottom lip when Castiel's hand found his cock, grip weak and unsure. Dean's arm went around him, hand sneaking down to his ass, other hand around his cock, showing him just the opposite. He knew what he was doing.

At some points in his life he'd pictured being sweet to Castiel for his first time. Real sweet; slowly taking his clothes off while some soft rock played in the background and rain pattered on the windows, kissing every inch of his skin, swirling his tongue around the head of his cock before taking it carefully into his mouth, sucking up the precum. He'd take his virginity like it was god damn precious to him. And he'd let Cas work him over nice and good with his fingers, open him up, get used to him, and he'd praise him as he entered him, inch by solid inch.

But they didn't have time for that, they weren't in nice places.

Where they were, it ate at them. It demanded hurt, and blood.

And Dean would be damned if it wasn't going to get it.

So Castiel was getting introduced to sex the rough way and he was going to have to take it or leave it. He was so thick with blood he seemed to really be wanting it, and he was pressing his hips up into his hand. His mouth was against Dean's now, and then moving onto his face, teeth nipping at his skin, beard grazing.

God, he was going to be swollen and red from him, and hopefully bruised and sore.

"You know what you want, Cas?" Dean asked, taking his hands off of his current lover to start baring himself from the waist down, not giving a shit if a monster saw him. He'd probably sent the monster here in the first place, and well, he'd just kill them again. He took Castiel's hand once he felt the cool air against his skin, and he pressed it against his ass. Wow, he had big hands, bigger than his. "You want my ass?"

"Dean."

"We ain't doin' this unless you say yes."

Dean brushed his nose against Castiel's, staring into his eyes, seeing that his pupils were blown wide with arousal. He pressed himself against him, rubbing hard, whimpering at the not-nearly-satisfying-enough pleasure it gave him. And oh god, his thighs were thick. Cas was _big_.

"Come on," he breathed, hoping to egg him on, gripping Cas' ass, squeezing hard, hoping nails bit at bare flesh, "Hell, the civil war in Heaven, breaking Sam. You gonna walk away from it? You're a sinner, huh, Cas? Own your fucking sins. They all led here, so take them, and shove 'em up my ass."

Hopefully he was clear enough with his words to show Castiel his emotions and just how this was going to work.

"You in or you out?"

"I will be in," Cas growled, and a fierce grin alit Dean's face.

He was shoved against a tree, wrist held behind his back, bark scraping against his left cheek, and he'd never felt more free, more alive.

Before Cas could get any wild ideas about shoving himself all in there at once Dean commanded, "Spit on me."

Cas spat on his cheek, which was admittedly enough to make him tingle, even in his balls.

"Not there," he grumbled.

"Where?"

"Where do ya think? You want to tear my ass apart and leave a bloody mess, or you want me to enjoy the ride? Get to work."

"I don't take orders from you."

"Then you start giving orders yourself," he growled.

Cas slammed his hand against his back, pressing hard.

"Feet back, lean forward."

Dean laughed triumphantly.

Castiel didn't seem to quite know what he was doing at first, but Dean wasn't going to kill the mood by helping him out. The angel was smart. He'd pieced this body back together; he could figure it out. Jolts ran through Dean every time more spit landed on his rim, and eventually Cas was working it into him, and though he was built up with excited tension he was forcing his lower half to relax, knowing Castiel would slip right in if he let him.

"You have a pleasure spot inside you. Is that what you want me to hit?"

"No, I want you to hit my spleen. Yes, that's what I want you to hit!"

His pointer finger dipped into him curiously, and Dean leaned into him, groaning through his gritted teeth, sweat dripping off his forehead.

He almost said something about getting on with it, but then Cas really would, and god, he liked being at his mercy.

There was a tongue against the top of his ass, and then his lower back, shirt lifting up.

"Such lovely skin. I had never realized when I was piecing it back together."

Dean was panting, just wanting him to tear it all apart.

"But now I know you."

Castiel was standing, one hand running up Dean's right leg, in the inner part of his thigh, then pumping his cock roughly as he'd done for Cas, making him squirm, nails digging into the bark of the tree. Castiel was pressing his hips against him, cock hard in between the cheeks of his ass. He was burning for him, insides seemingly throbbing.

Castiel sucked his earlobe into his mouth, tongue running along the edge of it, and then he murmured, "We don't have to be violent, Dean."

"Yes, we do."

He reached back, and grabbed Cas, digging his nails in above his hip, drawing blood. Cas cried out, and then he lined himself up and began to enter Dean.

Oh, the head of his cock was thick, and it seemed massive, even more so as it kept entering him. Dean's hand was shaking and he went back to gripping the tree. Cas put his hand over his, fingers curling. For some god damn reason Dean's right leg was trembling as Castiel kept pushing and pushing, and oh god, how many inches was he? Dean was breathing heavy, relaxing, just trying to focus on that, and part of him was trying to find the words to tell Cas to slow down, to stop for just a second. There was a stabbing pain that was going up into his stomach, but he'd be a liar if he said he didn't love it.

In this place, pain was every day, it was all Dean knew. But getting it there, from friggin' Castiel, it was a dream come true.

There was no escaping this place, at least, not today, and he was going to live by its rules, and hurt like everything else, and he was going to feel the purity bleeding out of everything. And it was in Cas' rough movements, leaking into him, dribbling out with his precum.

Castiel removed his hand from his cock, running it under his shirt up his torso, holding Dean against him, and Dean pressed himself back, relaxing, feeling his body letting the angel slip in, accepting him, and he hit his prostate. Pleasure soared through him, deep, and he ground down on Cas, growling as he forced him in the rest of the way.

Cas was taut against him, moaning loudly, cock throbbing within him, and Dean wiggled his hips, loving the feeling of having him in him. The motion had Castiel jolting forward, crying out, and Dean grinned.

"What can I say?" Dean told him. "I got the best ass in Purgatory."

Castiel let out a heavy breath through his mouth. "I'm sure that's a matter of perspective, and—"

Dean clenched himself around him, straightening and tilting his head to press his face against Castiel's.

"I'll kill anyone who says otherwise. You wanna be on my list?"

He felt the angel smiling against him.

"No, I'm quite content."

And then he began to rock his hips, arms wrapped tight around Dean.

It was difficult holding himself up against the tree. Dean was strong as hell, but an angel who greatly enjoyed ravishing his body was stronger. _Much_ stronger. As Cas pummeled into him, face pressed against his, smiling in ecstasy, hitting his prostate just right and nearly making Dean scream, they ended up falling to the ground.

Immediately Castiel stopped, trying to apologize, and Dean wasn't having it.

He got up, helped Cas to a sitting position by giving him his hand, and then he turned around, settling himself down on him. _Oh_, he was much deeper now. There was a lot of work that gravity did for him in this position.

Castiel started rocking his hips upward, but Dean slapped his thigh. The angel similarly slapped Dean's thigh in retaliation, but his hand was close to his balls, and his face grew more flushed from the way he yelped.

Cas started thrusting, leaving Dean trying to get a handle on the situation, pleasure bleeding through his core, into his cock and balls, up into his pelvis, his stomach. Once he found Cas' rhythm and secured his footing he started rolling his hips. It was all going pretty well, their skin slapping together and turning Dean on till he felt like he was going to burst, his toes curling, until Cas lunged at him, pinning him to the ground on his stomach. There were twigs and rocks digging into places they had no business digging into, and god, Cas was riding him like it was all he knew how to do anymore. The stream rushed by in his vision, and he idly thought the both of them could splash around in it afterwards.

There was something primal about having him in his ass, and it unleashed Dean's voice, probably alerting every monster under a mile away of their location. But if they were that close they were already screwed.

Eventually the thrusting and pressure became too much against the unforgiving ground, and Dean cried out, "Whoa, Cas, take it easy on the gonads!"

The angel stopped, pulling out of him, and Dean rolled onto his back. His neck was flushed, the red traveling up to his face. Sweat was dripping off of him. And Castiel was nearly flawless. Filthy, but not sweaty. The both of them certainly looked like sinners, looked cursed.

They must've been if this was where they had to resort to making love.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asked, brushing detritus off of him, wincing as he did the same for his pelvis, combing through his pubic hair.

"I don't know, doc, think what I got is terminal." His breath hitched as Castiel began to be gentle with his cock, his balls. "I got this curse, you see. Bad happens wherever I go. Can't seem to make it stop."

"I heard that's going around."

"Maybe I caught it from this cute angel. He's tall, nicely built, bluest eyes I've ever seen. All sunshine and rainbows till you see his cock, or maybe piss him off. Has an edge to him. Pretty sexy too. You heard of him?"

"Yes, Dean, it's me."

Dean threw his head back to start laughing, but Castiel didn't join in, already getting back to business, hoisting his legs up and resting his ankles at his shoulders.

"Oh _fuck_! Cas!" Dean cried when he entered him again.

He hadn't bent like that in awhile, legs all the way back to his chest. It was stretching his back a bit too much, putting pressure in a few of the wrong places, but wow, it had Cas hitting the perfect spots inside him. Maybe he'd invest twelve bucks in a yoga class once he was all one with the Earth again, or see if there was one at a gym. Yeah, like he'd go to the gym.

Oh god, or maybe if he just did this enough he'd get used to it. His thighs were feeling it too, burning. They might've been starting to bruise, up near his ass, Cas' hips relentlessly slamming into them.

There was more to sex than hard and fast. A _lot_ more, and Dean liked to think he knew quite a bit when it came to this, but right here, right now, this was salvation.

Or hell, maybe it was his freakin' penance.

To help Cas along, to help himself, to _feel him_, he squeezed himself around him, he held him, he pulled him down, he kissed him, he bit him, he cried out, he called his name, and Castiel was calling out his. Dean found himself cumming first, not giving a damn about the streaks of white getting on his shirt as brilliant bursts of ecstasy took over of his body. He was shuddering, body all wrapped up in Castiel, Cas all wrapped up in him. And it coaxed the angel to the edge. Dean groaned deep, hands at the back of Cas' neck when he felt his cock thicken in him and throb, felt him pulsing within him. Cas was crying out into his ear, hips still slamming against him. This was Dean's favorite part. Not his orgasm, but the other person's, and when they were inside him? It felt like everything he'd ever needed.

Their foreheads came together, more of Dean's blood smearing onto Castiel's skin, and blood from Castiel's hip got on Dean's leg, some from his neck slowly dripping through his fingers.

They finished, the angel pulling out of him.

Dean pat Cas on the cheek a few times, smiling up at him, sure his eyes were probably sparkling though he was exhausted.

"We better go. Don't want those vamps gettin' the drop on us. Besides, maybe we could catch up with 'em. They ain't gonna kill themselves. But before we do that, you good?"

Castiel raised himself up, and helped Dean to his feet. Fuck, he was sore and throbbing, his thighs aching, and his legs were all wobbly. He almost toppled over and Cas had one hand at his back, the other to his chest.

"Are _you_ good?"

"'M fine. But you, you uh… all of that was consensual, right? I just want to make sure, your first time and all, you understand this stuff isn't always all good. You could get hurt. I could've messed up and hurt you. I didn't, right?"

"Dean, I loved that. I wanted it."

"Alright, good. Well, let's get dressed, and I put on that vamp's ugly shirt and he gets this fucking cum rag I'm now wearing, and we'll try and catch up with Benny."

They dressed hurriedly, not bothering to clean themselves much since it was Purgatory and the grime would stick to them all over again, and then they kept on trekking, splashing through the stream, enjoying the cool water that rose about their shins.

"You really think an angel can get through the portal?" Castiel asked. "That I'll get out?"

Dean wrapped an arm around him, smiling. "I think we're gonna have to try."


End file.
